In a Galaxy Far Far Away

webinar info by Akuokuo Vallis

Our online chocolate class ended early–then my twin sister, Akwelle, shouted  from downstairs, Ha-Ha!  That was so funny.  You totally shut down the whole class!   Didn’t you get my text?

I looked at my phone.  No text.

We  were supposed to be learning about the health benefits of chocolate–the real chocolate–the food of the gods chocolate–instead–unbeknownst to me– I became the main attraction- talking non-stop about another webinar attendee named SumoXL123deParis.

Akwelle started it though.  I like his hair–but–his shirt is way too small and he has fatty-fat hands.

Embarrassing.  But at least she knew when to turn off her mic.

His name ain’t Sumo for nothing, I said.  And look at those cute, chubby-chub cheeks!  I probably shouldn’t have drawn that picture, though.   And that rap song I made up–Alone in a Food Truck–went way too far.

That’s when the class ended.  Abruptly.

The next day– my twin sister’s text– finally– came in.

Dummy!  Mute your mic!

I should get  a new phone.


Like Diamonds in the Sky

aura flame quartz crystal by Akuokuo Vallis

At the crystal shop–the cashier girl was talking to a customer about drones and holograms and chem trails.  There was a man–waiting in line–with a huge tattoo–a green ankh– on the inside of his left forearm.  He was looking for books on Hermetic philosophy. I found a crystal to buy.  And then– the cashier girl started talking to me about micro drones and mega drones and how the Greys screwed us all over. She dangled something  in the air– for protection–it looked like tin foil.

At home–I put the crystal in the dirt and my older sister said a prayer over it.  She knew someone who had a crystal like that but was unsure of the metaphysical properties.

I put the crystal under my pillow anyway.

Then my grandmother—my father’s mother—was standing there– in the snow– in a Cherokee tear dress.  Her hair was out and long.  I like that dress better than the one you’re wearing  on the mantel.  She smiled.  Then the sky filled with stars and I was spinning–spinning–spinning–like when I was on that merry go round–a long time ago.  I still have the scar on my knee.  Still.

Next–my auntFaceTiming from somewhere beyond the beyond the beyond said, Tell your mother not to follow me.

And then there were 3 white horses–one on a skateboard– one drinking water–and one with a neon blue chord coming out of the top of its head– going so far up– I lost track.

I was still wearing the medicine bag–the one with the feathers on it—around my neck— under my t-shirt–just because– I like it that way.  I put the rocks in it– like she told me– and sprinkled the blue cornmeal down as a thank you.

Then I woke up thinking about chocolate chip cookie dough.

I put the crystal back on the dresser.


*special thank you to for crystal insight and wisdom


Wayne Might Be a Robot

chaga chunks by Akuokuo Vallis

Customer Service Rep. is typing…

Socks Galore and More strives for excellence.  My name is Wayne.  How may I assist you? 

Akuokuo is typing…

Hi Wayne.  There was a mix up with my order.  I received  Chaga chunks instead of socks. Not sure what Chaga is.  Says it’s from Chaga Alaska.

Customer Service Rep. is typing…

Socks Galore and More strives for excellence.  Apologies for the mix up.  READ THIS  and  WATCH THAT  while I research your order.  

Customer Service Rep. is typing…

Looks like the polka-dotted bunny socks are on back order.  Chaga is a medicinal  mushroom. Very healthy.  Tastes like a combo between tea and coffee– but better for you. Simmer it up (see instructions in bag).  Try it with honey, maple syrup, plain Jane or with your favorite milk.   Might be butchering your name… is it  A-quack-quack?  or A-clock-clock?

Akuokuo is typing…

Whaaat!?  A-clock-clock?  Must be kidding about A-quack-quack!?  Should I send the chaga back…?

Socks Galore and More strives for excellence.  Keep the chaga.  It’s a freebie.  Back to your name…is it  A-koo-koo?

Nope. Wrongo again.

Socks Galore and More strives for excellence.  We want to make you happy… Is it….

Akuokuo is typing…

It’s Ah-Kwo-Kwo (Koko for short)Ghanaian twin name–meaning second born female twin. Thanks for the Chaga.  Please cancel the bunny socks.  Byeee.

Lift Off


The YouTube videos made it look so super easy.  So–of course I thought cutting my own hair would be easy, simple. Plus, my twin sister, Akwelle, cut hers  in 15  minutes. But, by my 15 minute point– I already looked like Edward Scissorhands.

I blame it on Mexico.  Well, not all of Mexico–but definitely thoughts of  nacho chips and that ridiculous wall– and 7th grade Paul Diamond who laughed at me and said I looked like a gorilla when I got bangs for the first time. And those 2 stupid  boys last week who stole a box from the porch.  And my  elderly neighbor who yelled you’ll never catch them as I kept running and running.

Well–I did catch up to them–those 2 stupid boys.  And I got the box back–after they tossed it–over the shoulder– in the alley–noticeably uninterested in a water filter replacement cartridge or Be Here Now the Ram Dass book.

I just called the police on you.  The chubby one– with the nice hair– was in shock.  He stopped breathing even.  The skinny one is bad news.  But he’s way too pretty to make it in prison.  Poor boy.

The timing was perfect.  The pretty, skinny one ignored me–walked right by me–tip tapping to some invisible beat–just as the police turned the corner.  Yeah, you better run.

Then I went to the beauty salon.



Sunday Kind of Love


It’s more of  A Sunday Kind of Love  thing for me–meandering slowly through Rock Creek Park–driving the long way home.  My mother prefers the shortcut.  She’s always taken the shortcut.  As a child–she went to summer school just to skip ahead.  She ended up graduating high school at 15.  She even finished college early.

On a day like today–I  was not taking the shortcut.  The air was sprinkled in fairy dust. Everything was sparkling, twinkling, glowing even–like someone had poured rainbows of light into light.  Over the river and through the woods we went.  I had to take the long way home.

Maybe it was the myrrh in my bathwater or the early morning  yoga nidra –colors were brighter–people were friendlier–and there were birthday suit wearing babies–Cherubim–frolicking in the Garden of Eden.  I think I even saw a unicorn.  I know I saw a butterfly–a little yellow one.  And cherry blossoms too!

Totally content in my own world of reverie–I dreamily glanced over at my mother.  With eyes  soft and closed–she was fast asleep–already home.  She had taken the shortcut.



Ghee Club




There’s something magical about ghee— especially when you make it yourself.

I made some last night.

Hypnotized by the bubbling butter–I glimpsed a moment from my past.




I do not want to be in MacBeth, I said.

It will be good for you.  You’d never do it if I did not make you, she said.

At first– I thought she–Mrs. Gonzales–my 6th grade teacher –was punishing me.  I was obsessed with glitter markers and puffy stickers.  I mistakenly thought Mrs. Gonzales might appreciate the razzle-dazzle on my homework and quizzes.  I now know she was only trying to cultivate confidence–and pull me out of my shell.

My role in MacBeth was tiny.  I was really just a prop on the stage–in the background, in every scene.

Like a piece of furniture or a rock, she said.

I was way too nervous at the audition–barely there– teeter-tottering on the edge of fainting–sweating, turning red, mumbling.  That’s why Mrs. Gonzales came up with the furniture/rock idea.  My twin sister was a servant.  She even had a line to read.

If I could go back in time–I’d help my younger self.

Stop–take a breath–have faith.

I’d give myself a pat on the back or a nudge or a tickle– then I’d remember–  it’s  all  a game– things will work out– they always do.



The New Boy



Little Laddi (Aladdin) did it deliberately–passionately licking my face–way too close to my mouth–while staring at the big girl Kookaburra.  He wanted a reaction.




But just like the night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind or another…

All that prancing and dancing, chewing and scratching–they were pesky annoyances–a mosquito buzzing in Kookaburra’s ears.



Kookaburra’s deep, low growl, exposed teeth and turned  back was enough said.  Laddi was kept at a distance.

By this point– it was obvious–Kookaburra had already stepped into a private boat and waved good-bye and sailed back over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day…

She was having a moment.



Kookaburra was very  sad after she met Laddi.  Too wrapped up in our own grief–we did not even think to tell Kookaburra about Brooke–my older sister’s other dog.

And now suddenly–there’s this playboy who just wants to  love  her!



Down the Street


Nearly halfway between my house and The White House–there’s a Buddhist Monastery. From either direction –it’s really just down the street.  The monks walk every morning.

Their walk has a quiet feel to it.  Like a whisper.

I had this dream (twice) that I was a monk–living in a monastery.  There was this island place we’d go to–but only in our minds.  We used sound to get there.  I can still see the flickering candles on the island from up above.  I will never forget that night sky–so lovely–a squid inky black.

The monks at the monastery–the one just down the street– are usually silent while walking. Occasionally one or two of them will beat a drum.

This morning–one of the monks was sitting on the monastery steps–with a Tibetan Singing Bowl.

The  sound was transporting.



More Than Just Dirt



There’s no time like the present.  I had that scribbled on a piece of paper– taped to a window that only gets opened on nice days.  I often do that–put little reminder notes here and there–and everywhere.  And today was very warm for January.  There’s no time like the present–a personal meta message to do something unusual.

But–with yesterday’s rain– everything’s all squishy.

So squishy that a bad boy red fox with black eye liner eyes– which made him look more bookish than bandit–was able to squish under a gap in the fence and strut around the back yard like he owned it.

I put my little reminder note in my pocket.  I figured I had all day to get to it–and I would– eventually.  I even knew what I was going to do.  Kookaburra does it all the time.


You should have seen Kookaburra– frantically running around, searching for every  trace of that Don Juan fox with his oh-so-obvious-nightly-howling serenades.  I envy her, though. She has an electricity about her–a particular way of expressing herself with total abandon–no matter who’s watching.

I waited until the  housekeeper across the street went home. She’s always watching.  I even know where her perch is.  Sometimes I’ll wave just to get a reaction.  Then the curtains will move.


With shoes and socks off–and a towel nearby– and the hose at the ready–I finally found just the right spot– and I plunged my bare feet into that super squishy, cold dirt.

And it was spectacularly exhilarating.


A Tea Party



What about the girls–we have 4 girls!  That’s what my mom said to my dad when he gave up his great paying job so a coworker could work. The company could no longer afford both of them.  I think my dad just wanted something different.  He was too happy–too excited about leaving his job.




We had a great time with our dad–going to museums, the zoo, the park–playing–having fun. At the end of the day– he always read to us.  My mother once said, You’re lucky! Not every father likes being one.  Our mom was understandably bitter– but I think she was also envious. She was right, though–we were very lucky–but lucky to have them both.




Our parents had separate his and hers bathrooms.  His bathroom was up on the third floor. It was like the Star-Spangled Banner–all red, white and blue striped.  We would watch him shave in the morning.  Our dad relished his morning routine with that soapy sink and foggy mirror–jazz music  playing.  One by one he’d put swirls of shaving cream on our noses, while he splashed on aftershave.  Ever since–I’ve been completely captivated by men’s grooming and style.




We used to have the best tea parties. We had these tiny little cups and saucers. The house specialty was our dad’s homemade ginger tea.  It was an elixir–made by simmering fresh ginger root in water with brown sugar. He always had a bowl of lemon slices to go with it.

Our dad often talked about how his father’s family (from Bermuda) loved ginger tea too.  “It was de-licious!” our dad would say, “much better than mine.”



These days– we still have ginger tea. Sometimes we’ll have it like our dad used to make it with fresh ginger and sometimes we’ll have it the super-fast-quick way– with dried ginger.  And of course,  we always have lemon slices on the side.